MAKE AN ACE, HIDE YOUR FACE?

OK, so I just drained my hypothetical first-ever hole-in-one and am comfortably floating on cloud nine. But now I’m expected to buy every Tom, Dick and Sally in the bar a drink? I don’t even like these guys!

An elusive ace represents the perfect shot, one that a golfer may spend the rest of their lifetime trying to repeat. So why is it that some people hope they never have one? Isn’t it obvious?

Whether it’s skill or mostly luck, a 12,500-to-1 feat should be rewarded and celebrated, but instead we punish the poor golfer who gets one with the obligation to buy a bunch of freeloaders a beer. In what other walk of life does someone complete the most amazing of feats only to suffer financially because of it? Call me a cheapskate or an entitled millennial (I’ve heard both — going to need to be more original than that!) but I continue to be completely flabbergasted and, to be honest, scared of this “tradition.”

The supposedly joyous occasion of a hole-in-one is often immediately met with fear following the comedown from an epic high of fist bumps, hugs and, of course, a totally candid photo shoot. “Wait, is it a league night?” “Gosh, I hope there isn’t a tournament coming in” or the classic “I’m just going to run to my car” are all natural reactions once the ace euphoria wears off. And guess what, I’m right there with you.

The pinnacle of a golfer’s career may be when he or she finally breaks 90, 80 or even par, but the most valuable piece of golf memorabilia on the mantle will always be the iconic No. 1 plastic trophy with the lucky ball lodged inside. You may forget a shot or two during your career round, but you’ll never forget the club selection, ball flight or the feeling of writing a “1” on the scorecard. We shouldn’t associate any negative feelings with this blissful moment of achievement. Golf is hard enough, let’s not take a chunk of change from someone’s kid’s college fund.

Could these musings all be a bit preemptive? I estimate that I’ve played 1,600 par-3s in my golfing lifetime without a hole-in-one, but I’ll stand by these words when (or if) it ever happens to me or someone in my group.

Maybe once I feel that ace energy surge, I’ll be ready to buy the entire zip code a drink! But for now, I have a solution and it falls in line with every other celebratory societal norm: Birthday? Engagement? Healthy baby? Get fired? Drill a hole-in-one? Drinks on me, partner. It’s that simple