The Choice is Yours

I’M A CONTROL FREAK. Shocker, right? It’s just that the more control I have (or think I have)over a situation, the less anxiety I experience. Unfortunately, I have come to discover that you can’t really control anything outside of yourself. I often try to circumvent the system, telling myself that if I just “do this” or “try that” I can almost guarantee the outcome I’m hoping for. But then reality aggressively reminds me that life doesn’t work that way.

Since the game of golf often serves as a caddie for life lessons, I have seen this play out round after round. But one specific experience stays with me, even though it happened many years ago. It was one of those special rounds in the late afternoon with my brothers. We tend to (ahem) get a little competitive with each other, so I had my game face on. We approached the tee box of a short par 4 and I had it all planned out: hit a decent drive, have a short-iron into the green, stick it and make the putt for birdie.

Well, I did happen to hit a decent drive, but about 90 yards down the fairway a large branch broke off from a nearby towering tree and fell toward the ground. In an odds-defying turn of events, that darn branch reached out and snatched my ball, taking it straight down with it.

I was hot. Livid, in fact. I successfully executed the first part of my plan, and THIS is the result? What are the odds? And why aren’t those odd sever present when I’m playing Mega Millions?

One of my brothers quickly stepped in and reminded me that I should be assessing the next shot instead of griping about that stupid branch and ridiculous luck. Instead, I should be focusing on club selection, wind and any other variables that might affect my approach shot.

I can still reach the green in two, or at the very least get up and down for par. It’s just going to look different than I originally thought (or hoped) it would.

He was right. I didn’t like it, but he was right. So I shifted my focus onto the next shot and moved on. Did I hit the green? No. Did I get up and down? Again, no. But at least I was in a much better mindset, and it made me feel like I was more in control because I was controlling something. I was controlling my reaction.

“Again, I realize this is just golf and that we are constantly faced with much bigger issues. But on this day, on this golf course, I saw a glimmer of insight that I could apply to everyday life.”

I was able to pull myself together by the next hole and that feeling stayed with me the rest of the round, instead of the fear and worry over what might happen to my ball after it left my clubface. That frame of mind helped me play much better than I would have had I been left to my own devices and stewed over that branch that assaulted my tee shot back on the fifth hole.

Again, I realize this is just golf and that we are constantly faced with much bigger issues. But on this day, on this golf course, I saw a glimmer of insight that I could apply to everyday life.

I try to implement this whenever something doesn’t go the way I had expected or hoped. I can’t control everything. But I can control how I handle my next thought and my next move. It’s not easy and sometimes it doesn’t happen without a pity party first. But eventually it does happen.

And when it does, I begrudgingly admit that I never had control over the outcome to begin with. I can only control my reaction to the outcome. I still have to chew on that. It doesn’t go down easily. But I’m getting there. It just takes a lot of practice.