Every round of golf has that one shot you hit so pure it almost looks like you know what you’re doing. It keeps you coming back. But let’s be honest. There are far more shots taken that don’t have such a positive result.

These occasional bright spots keep a golfer’s expectations high. We assume we’ll hit our shots as flush as we do on the range, and as soon as we don’t, the excuses are rampant.

“Need new equipment.”

Whether it’s the “old” 2015 irons that obviously need to be replaced or the brand new driver that unfortunately has the “wrong shaft” for your swing speed, this is always one of my favorites.

BONUS: The fresh ProV1 that you found in the woods – yeah, it’s probably an unmarked practice ball. I agree, it’s just not launching properly.

“Working on some swing changes with my pro.”

Well, work harder. The power fade that you two geniuses have been spending six hours a week on – it’s still a dreadful slice. The “Rory draw” – yeah, that’s a deadly banana hook that just went screaming into the cart barn.

“Poor conditions.”

It’s Southern California! The 10 mph breezes shouldn’t be throwing your game off. Now, if you didn’t bring sunglasses or a hat for the mid-afternoon / twilight round it’s still your own fault but maybe I can begin to sympathize.

“I haven’t played in forever.”

And you still stink! I get it – the game suffers when dust accumulates on that golf bag but again, we live in Southern California so there’s no offseason and therefore no excuse. Also – your score history says you’ve posted three rounds in the past month. What gives?

“Worked out yesterday.”

Either you went hard at the gym the day before you teed it up or you helped a distant cousin move across town. I’m giving you a look because almost all of the pros work out every day before their tee times, and that’s what we’re striving for right? To be professionals?

“Significant other and I got in a fight this morning.”

Bummer. Tell me more? Not to be inconsiderate, but we all play golf for an escape and I’m not sure how forgetting your anniversary makes you top a tee shot. Find your Zen, and deal with that mess later.

“If I could only _____________ .”

Drive it in the fairway, hit my irons, chip or putt at all. You name it, I’ve heard it. If I could only wire myself to eye-roll every time you say that, I could save myself some brain function!

Despite these musings, I do love playing golf with my friends, family and the occasional random fourth. I just wish I could vocalize my thoughts whenever one of these gems comes mumbling out their mouths after an errant shot – you’re just not that good. Relax.