Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

IF YOU HAVE EVER truly listened to a group of golfers on the course, you might question the nature of their friendship, based on the dry sarcasm that borders on “personal attack.” But there is also an underlying love language that kicks in the moment a group steps onto the golf course, and if you pay attention, it’s pretty easy to translate.

THE GIMME PUTT

You are standing over a downhill slider for double-bogey and your emotional stability is precarious. A playing partner compassionately decrees, “Pick it up. That’s good.” You immediately wonder if you have ever felt so seen. Somebody understands. I mean, really understands as they gently take your hand and lead you back from the ledge. Now, if there is any type of money match going down, this scenario would be ill-advised, especially if you are the one giving the putt while another playing partner is wringing their hands in anticipation of taking the hole. You would think this is common sense. Trust me when I say, it is not.

RAKING THE BUNKER

“Let me rake the bunker for you” is another way golfers express genuine affection without ever having to touch one another. Nothing says “I care” like someone willing to get sand in their shoes for you. And, depending on the bunker, those suckers can be like land mines trying to get in and out of. Sandy shoes and risking bodily harm? You are practically soulmates at this point.

THE SEARCH PARTY

The shared search party for a lost ball is the emotional equivalent of a golf support group. If three other golfers are willing to comb the forest like it’s a crime scene investigation for your $6 golf ball that you had no business trying to hit over that ravine, that’s love, baby. Everyone would rather be sneaking a few swigs of the beer they are hiding in their golf bag, but they do it. They do it because they care.

THE BREAKFAST BALL

This is golf empathy at its purest. When someone offers you a mulligan — especially an unsolicited one — they’re saying, “I love you, man.” A true friend will give you a pity mulligan even when the round is technically competitive. A best friend will give you a mulligan even after you’ve already taken three.

And just as all this hand holding and singing Kumbaya is healing all of your past golf trauma, the inevitable cardinal sin is committed. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. The slight movement in someone’s backswing that is subtle enough that you can’t be charged for the crime but enough to send someone with a fragile attention span into a frenzy.

“Yes, a round of golf is a series of ups and downs, not only with your golf shots but with your emotional stability.”

Or that rumpling bag of chips that you just have to open while someone is putting.

Or how about Keith — which is his real name because Keith needs to hear this — who asks each person in the group what is different about their swing because it looks nothing like what he has seen in the past and not for the better. This sends everyone into a deep dive of past swing thoughts and if that is not enough to throw off their mechanics, it will at the very least mess with their tempo.

Yes, a round of golf is a series of ups and downs, not only with your golf shots but with your emotional stability. Pay close attention to how your playing partners affect that emotional stability, both good and bad, and by the end of the round you will know just where your relationships stand.